Category Archives: Goals

My Attitude Adjustment

I’m finding  that the best way to motivate myself and get stuff done is by changing my attitude. This isn’t easy. I’m a firm believer  that if I don’t like something, I need to change it and if I can’t change it, I need to change how I feel about it. There are things I can’t change about weight loss. I can’t change that I need to eat less and better, and I can’t change that I need to exercise. I can’t avoid these actions and expect to get results.

I’m slowly getting out of these bad habits by this one simple reminder: make it fun. Often times, and more often than not, the stuff that I get in my head about, and put off and dread aren’t that bad. There are worse alternatives to eating fresh berries, grilled chicken, brown rice, sauteed vegetables, salads with eggs and mozzarella, salmon with ginger and olive oil…am I wrong here? I remind myself that there are people who would love to have my problems.

Every time I feel that moment of hesitation,  of I can’t do this, the I don’t want to do this!, and it’s just too hard, I know that I need to change my attitude more than the action, especially if said action produces a result that I desire.

This can and does go in all aspects of my life, from work to eating better.


So how do I change my attitude? It’s not always easy and I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not always successful at it. But sometimes, it involves writing down why I’m frustrated and then following it with a paragraph with the reasons why it’s a good decisions.

I dance between steps, I give myself a sticker, I reward myself with a song from itunes, I watch an episode of Dawson’s Creek  something age appropriate, I write out all the steps in my best cursive, I make a game out of it (how many stickers can I earn today!?), I add feta (it makes everything better),  I get dressed up, I suspend my disbelief, I have a good laugh, I torment my fears, I email a friend, I set a fancy table for my really healthy meal, I eat slowly and pretend it’s the best meal I’ve ever made, I make a happiness collage, I do 20 jumping jacks or turns on the jump rope, I buy or pick flowers, I celebrate my small steps today and ignore the million more I need to take,  I write out the results…


I like to challenge myself to bring happiness into the mundane, to every day, to the stuff I need to do because it won’t always be fun  not to eat anything and everything I want, or to finish a tough project, meet a deadline, return emails, exercise for an hour, be prepared for cravings, have food within reach, to have a plan, to stick with said plan.

I cannot begin to tell you or express how much your support in my last post means to me! To say that I wasn’t expecting that kind of response is an understatement. I was so scared to share that one with those who read here. I’m glad I did. I feel like this is my jumping off point to show results with.

Also, I started reading The Skinny Rules and following Bob’s rules this week. They’re easy, yet hard. No sugar, no white flour, lots of decent food that I love, but it’s still hard especially during the social summer season. I’m trying to concentrate on what I can have versus what I can’t and moving on. I decided not to count calories with his plan, he recommends 1,200 for women, and I just can’t get into that head space. It’s hard for me to overeat the recommended foods, and if I feel like I’m not losing weight, I’ll count. I do track my portions (only 2 servings of whole grains a day, etc.) and I’m keeping a food journal. So far, after two days, I’m down 3 pounds.

What’s Work Got To Do With It?


This illustration is funny to me because I feel like this on most days. I know I’m not alone, right? This is a topic I’ve touched on before, but I want to revisit it because it’s a big one for me.

I’ve spent  years trying to figure out why I overeat and I’ve come up with two main reasons: dieting and habit. The other part of the equation is productivity and a sense of purpose. I’ve made note in my private journals and word documents time and time again that my productivity is directly related to how often I turn to or think about food.

This has been a trend in school and various office jobs that I’ve held and even when I’m working from home. When I’m stuck, unmotivated, or procrastinating, I almost always overeat or I want to. Now, don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that I overeat every time that I’m not working or when I’m taking a break from a project, but when I’m overwhelmed, procrastinating or stressed, I want to eat.

I’ve discovered that I have a lot of fear when it comes to the work that I do. And I figure I’m not alone here. I worry that I’m not good enough, and I fear  that people will realize that I’m just making it all up and figuring it out as I go along (because I am, this is a little nugget of wisdom you never hear about until way too late in life.) Sometimes when the steps to get a project done are blurry I get anxious and start putting it off and away and then I go find something to eat to make the discomfort of not knowing what to do go away.

This is a pattern I’ve had for a very long time. When I was in school I was so worried I wasn’t good or would never be good enough at art or design, so I would skip class and binge on a box of donuts or an all fried meal at Captain D’s to feel better in that moment. As procrastination goes, I would feel even worse and it would spin out of control.

These days, I’m getting better at productivity and just doing it rather than fretting over perfection, but it’s a tough road to be on. Making mistakes for the sake of learning is never easy. On the days that I meet my set tasks, and face my discomfort head-on I don’t overeat. I just eat and go on about my business. It feels natural and right to me. It feels good and it boosts my self-esteem. Meeting a deadline and being creative is life saving and essential for me.

Here are some of my anti-procrastination tips:

1) Change of attitude. I touched on this in an earlier post, but I often remind myself that if I’m biting my nails over a project, I’m not having enough fun. Once I change my perspective and feel gratitude for my work, I can do anything.

2) Writing down the details. Sometimes a task is vague or feels too big to complete. When this happens, it’s hard to find the starting point. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I write down every single step it will take to get the task done. I break it down into smaller steps and pick a starting point. More often than not, this just helps me to clear my head.

3) Do it for 5 or 10 minutes. When there’s something I really don’t want to do I will allow myself to just do five or ten minutes of work. I can handle five or ten minutes of anything. I always notice that once those few minutes are over, I can handle more.

4) Rewards. Having a set of rewards is really motivating for me, especially if I’m tough with myself and don’t do it unless I’ve completed said task. For me a reward is watching TV, surfing pinterest, or going on a little trip.

5) Pick tasks at random. On days when I don’t have a pressing deadline, I will write down everything I need to get done on a little piece of paper, fold them up, and put them in a jar. I will pick one task at random and challenge myself to do only that task until it’s completed. This is really helpful for staying focused.

Can I Have it All?

This week has zipped by! I say this on the heels of driving an hour away to stay with my parents and Josh in a cabin for the weekend. No internet and probably little phone reception.  I’m bringing lots of books and notebooks and will be inspired, relax and swim.

It’s been a little over a week since I made the resolve to find peace with food through Intuitive Eating and I must say, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions. Mostly good and liberating. Some filled with fear and worry. A lot less guilt. I’m working on less guilt.

I’ve thought long and hard about what I want and what I’m willing  to do to get it.

I want to be healthier without worry. I want to weigh less so that I if I fall on a dog (like I did in February) and hurt my knee, I’m not worried about going to the doctor and having them say “well, you fell because you’re fat” or some other nonsense. I want to go to the doctor and have whatever it is I’m there for be the conversation. I want to be told at my annual exam “fit as a fiddle” and I hope my doctor, uses that exact phrase.

I want to fit comfortably into an airplane seat without an extender. I want to fit on a small boat and amusement park rides. I want my style decisions to be by choice, not by what’s available in my size. I want to feel  free to be myself without worrying what people think of me because of my weight. I want to get out of this subculture that being obese sometimes seems to put me in. I want to go sleeveless. I want to run up stairs or take a brisk walk outside without breaking a sweat or losing my breath.

I want all of those things without the confines of a diet. Without so-called good or bad food days. Without worrying about all the food that could kill me. No food combining. No time frame for eating when I’m hungry. With a lot less guilt. Without bingeing or overeating. Without measuring a new recipe to come up with the calorie count. I want to put a reasonable amount of food on a plate, eat it and be done with it. I know, by now, what reasonable looks like.

I don’t want the ups and downs that come with dieting. The seesaw of self-loathing and self-congratulation. The I’m so awesome and amazing because I lost 10 pounds. I’m unstoppable! Or even worse, I’m off the wagon! Time to get serious! Time to make it happen! I want bigger things for myself and my life than weight loss.

I want to be more than a woman who loses weight. I want to be smaller, healthier and fit, but god bless, I want so much more for myself. I’m not the fat around my thighs no matter how big or how small. Weight loss will not be my greatest achievement. Is that so wrong?

I want to step on the scale and have confirmation of my efforts, not my self-worth. I don’t want to have any more buckle down, get serious, militant, yet very fleeting rules and regulations. I want sustainable weight loss that involves all foods. I want to eat reasonably no matter the circumstance. I want to take responsibly for today and all of the choices that lead into results.

I want to travel to Paris and eat the market vegetables, cheese, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants without worry or regret. I want to go to NYC (in three weeks!) and have one really good treat, rather than stuffing myself with everything that will pass my way and say “I’ll be good when I get back”.  I want to have a giant slice of pizza for dinner if my appetite calls for it, and move on. Walk it off. Better yet, dance it off. I want to go to a party, a wedding, an event, and not stare at the cake with longing yet skip a bite or two for fear I will spiral out of control later. For fear that it’s not in my plan. I want to eat without worrying that I will never be satisfied. I can be satisfied on much less, I can’t say the same for guilt. Guilt will always have me reaching for more. Wanting more. Waiting for tomorrow.

I want to eat well because it makes me feel good, not because I should for weight loss or for being a better, humane, ethical, or skinny person. I want to eat vegetables because they call to me when I really listen. And fruit because it’s sweeter than I ever gave it a chance to be. I want to be intuitive because it’s what I know that I can live with. It makes sense for the life I want.

And it’s not easy to just sit there and not eat. To not grab something just because I have the calories for it, or because I planned it out. Regardless if I want it or not. I doubt I ever did.

I want to sit with whatever it is that tells me to go eat. That I’ve been good. That tomorrow I’ll be serious. Next week, I’ll start. To sit with discomfort.

I want to make better choices every day. I want to celebrate food, eating and cooking because of their importance for survival, community, entertainment, love and passion. I don’t want to punish myself with it.

I want to stay off the scale for two or three weeks at a time and let my actions take the seat. To move so much in a day that I collapse into bed at night.

Last night, I had to sit with my emotions and strong desires to eat even though I wasn’t hungry and I wasn’t full. It was hard. It was hard while I sat on the fence about it. Trying to justify a nibble of something.  But then I got out of my head and thought about my body, how was my stomach feeling? Fine. Do I really want food? No. What would it mean for me to let this moment pass without diving into to whatever is in the house? A lot. And so I made the decision, I wasn’t going to eat for no reason.  I wasn’t going to have guilt if I did. And once that decision was made there was no struggle, no self-loathing or guilt for wanting. I wasn’t hungry, so I didn’t eat. Life goes on, do something interesting with your time- that’s what I told myself.

I take responsiblity for my idealistic path to my goals. My romanticized view. I know it’s not very Dateline-20/20 of me not to be screaming the dangers of everything on this planet that could and will eventually kill me. To not preach the diet rhetoric of the must and the should nots. I know it’s not glamorous to hope that I can achieve my goals without the confines of counting and tracking. Especially now.

There is a part of me that says, how dare you think you could relearn to eat and listen to yourself. What gull you have to think you can be healthy and fit  without regiment. You must think so much of yourself to want to have peace with food, to eat and not be consumed. To think so highly of yourself to dismiss everything you’ve ever tried to do to lose weight. To trust that I can lose weight without a diet. To believe that I can have just one.

When I take away all of this over thinking about food, I have more energy to focus on fitness and exercise. The stuff that makes me feel really good.

And a bonus:  That bridesmaids dress is zipping up!

Here of my non-rule rules:

1) Am I hungry?

2) Treats are for special occasions, not for the house.

3) What do I really want to eat?

4) Am I full?

5) Exercise every day.

6) Have fun.

7) No food guilt. Ignore food and diet police. Stop mentally calculating and tracking.

Better Days

Once you realize that it’s possible to feel good by not eating certain things and including others instead, the compulsion begins to fall away because you’ve found something better: getting your life back.

This was the first thing I read this morning on my Facebook feed. By Geneen Roth of course. I had to share, because this is what I’m feeling. I’ve spent the past three weeks exploring all sorts of foods. Nothing has been off limits. I just haven’t been binging or overeating like I thought I would. Some days are better than others, but I’m at the point where I feel like I’ve tried eating everything and still want food that I feel is best for me. Food that makes me feel good. I was worried I would never get to this point without a diet telling me I should.

I’ve cut out a lot of “noise” in my life. Unfollowing negative blogs and massive amounts of conversations on twitter and facebook. I’m barely plugged in, just skimming the surface. I can’t tell you the difference it’s made.

I thought I would start sharing what I’m eating again. I find this hard to stick with, but I’d be willing to try sharing what I eat and do for exercise.

I feel excited for life in a way that I was afraid to be before. I want more of this and I do 100% believe it exists. Less self-loathing!