I’ve turned this post over in my head many times these past few weeks. Wondering how I could return, what I would say, how I would move forward. ..
I’ve asked myself what I want to contribute, what I am contributing, and what these words are that I’m willing to share. I’ve come back to blogging after making a long list of what I want this blog to be and more importantly what I want to change.
I’ve retreated to the safe confines of emailing my best friend, almost daily, telling her what I’ve had to eat, what I’m feeling, celebrating losses and sharing frustrations with one another. Motivating each other in a safe space has been more motivation and refreshing to me. I haven’t been trying to be who I think she wants me to be. I tell her about the occasionally chocolate chip cookie sandwiches from the gas station or the one too many drink, or facing feelings without food, and keeping junk food out of the house and moving until I collapse into bed at night. I tell her how much more productive and happy I am on less food. How good it feels to be down 20 pounds and hopeful again.
I share with her because she isn’t thinking…not again, but it’s been going on for so long, all she says is…we’re doing this, we can do this, keep going.
And that’s exactly what I want my blog to be. New domain, no ads, no pressure, less perfectionism, no blogger play book, no comparison… it’s just me and these words.